opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
