girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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