our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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