It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
