I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
