the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
