It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
