"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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