Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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