absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
