why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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