Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
MIDGETS
????
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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