I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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