all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
