During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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