so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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