what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
