why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
i think i just lost a toe
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
