Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
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