You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
