I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
