im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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