just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
