Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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