last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
