O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I feel like death gave me a hand job
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
