I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
