Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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