I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Randomize
