i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
We named our party play list daddy issues
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
