Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
