She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
