I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
