so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
