i already hear my dad disowning me
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Randomize
