I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
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