what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
