So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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