why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
