you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
