I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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