Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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