one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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