apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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