Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
