im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
