My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
