My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
