I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
