i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
