i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
