Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Verdict: uncircumcised.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
