Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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