Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
