Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
