Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
