Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
