I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
