how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
i think i just lost a toe
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
