So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
