Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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